the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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