My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
