sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
