new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
