guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
