dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
