I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
