I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
