they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
