I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize