My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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