and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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