i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
