the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
