How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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