my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
