he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
