I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
