one might say we're banned from that church
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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