I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
