I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize