She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
