I think my vagina is haunted
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
