your parents love me but you hate me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
