There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
