I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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