if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
