I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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