that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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