Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I believe in your delicious
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
