One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
