Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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