Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
