I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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