Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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