My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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