Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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