What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
