so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
