I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
