the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
