Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
