There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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