Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
