Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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