Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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