Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
