she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
