i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
