Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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