you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
