Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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