Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
