I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
