I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
