respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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