32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
