dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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