Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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