I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
