I'm jealous of your bromance
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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