but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
